Share Tasks With Grandparents. Is There A Limit?

“Parents raise and grandparents spoil”, that’s what a popular saying goes. There is a lot of truth to that. But you also need to consider that your parents are an invaluable help to you.

I’m one of those people who lives thinking about retirement. A fun and carefree dream. My fantasy includes a large farm on a Caribbean island, accompanied by my friends who chat and laugh with me while we have a drink. At no time do I see myself taking care of my grandchildren.

What I see in my old age is health. I imagine I will be active and just as happy as I am now. But with a lot of free time and the freedom that gray hair gives, to do and say certain kinds of things. I think this is what many people want. Have a dignified old age in which you can take care of your affairs and help others.

Many grandparents, during their retirement, dedicate a good part of their day to taking care of their grandchildren. They are often more correct in the method of raising their grandchildren than they were with their children. Perhaps because they have already understood and reflected on many issues in life in general. Or also because they are freed from the pressure caused by working hours and the fact of having to pay hundreds of bills.

There are other cases, however, in which the grandparents’ parenting methods are very contrary to the parents’. Then differences arise between parents and children, mainly because children don’t know which rules to obey. And, of course, they prefer the milder ones.

Grandparents’ help has limits

Your parents will always help. And you, of course, when you need their time and dedication “will share the tasks with the grandparents”. The theme is: is there a limit?

“Some end up becoming more than grandparents. They become nannies, secretaries to busy children, errand boys, taxi drivers… There are no limits. That’s when the abuse begins. Especially with the grandparents who, in addition to picking up the children from school, need to make food or snacks for the little ones, take them to the doctor, to basketball or English classes and, if necessary, to the shoemaker”, says pediatrician Joaquín Ibarra, author of “My Grandparents Take Care of Me: A Guide for 21st Century Nannies.”

In an article published by El País from Spain, it is clear that the tendency for grandparents to be the babysitters of children is increasing all the time. It is possible that economic reasons have a little to do with the fact that more and more people leave their children in the care of their own parents.

“In general, the grandmothers who take care are more numerous at lower sociocultural levels. Because at higher cultural levels, grandmothers have more personal projects and children have more resources to take care of the little ones. Thus, these grandmothers are less in demand and only take care of their grandchildren occasionally” summarizes Carme Triadó, professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Barcelona.

“Far from confessing that the task wears them out, grandparents even explain themselves to their children. But being 60 years old is not the same thing as being 75, nor is taking care of one the same as taking care of three”, adds Joaquín Ibarra. He says that most grandparents start by taking care of one child, but 26% assume taking care of two.

grandparents set the limit

Regarding limits, I think it’s wise to talk about the conditions and terms with your parents. It’s about their free time, their retirement time, which they want to enjoy after having spent many years working and taking care of their children. The healthiest thing is for your parents to honestly tell you when they can help take care of your child.

You also need to consider your parents’ ability, health, and willingness to care for their grandchildren. Remember they do this as a favor. They take on this task because they want to, but it is not their duty.

There is a consensus among sociologists, gerontologists, psychologists and caregivers of the elderly that in order not to exceed the limit or abuse grandparents, it is necessary to take into account their aspirations and abilities. Thus, taking care of grandchildren will be a pleasurable activity for them and not a burden.