In Every Troubled Child There Is An Emotion That Doesn’t Know How To Manifest
Within every troubled child, there is an emotional chaos that overflows and disguises itself as rebellion or disobedience. Even though it is complex to approach these child behavior problems, it is essential to teach the child to deal with what he/she feels.
Contrary to popular belief, any physical punishment, reprimand or harsher words only intensify the frustration and negative emotions that take over the problematic child, ending up pulverizing their self-esteem.
For this reason, before looking for the possible reasons why we have a ‘difficult’ child, it is convenient to understand that behind their unwanted behaviors, there are apparently unsatisfied needs, which require greater attention.
troubled child, needy child
Many parents protest their problematic child’s behavior, because when faced with tantrums or disobedience, they often inappropriately vent an emotion charged with anger.
“Am I a bad mother?” or “What am I doing wrong?” , are often the questions of many frustrated mothers in these desperate situations. But it’s simply a matter of assuming that your kids demand more of your attention.
Possibly, this problematic child does not know how to correctly manifest their emotional needs and needs. Thus, it may be that she finds in bad behavior a way to get the attention of her parents: they cry excessively, sleep little and go from laughing to crying in moments.
These little “explosives” usually need more support, conversations and safety. This fact is beyond any mistakes made during childhood . However, it is the responsibility of every parent to provide accurate answers to these calls, making use of a lot of patience and high doses of love.
Troubled children and blocked emotions
Troubled children often create a considerable level of stress on their parents. However, this is simply due to the fact that their emotions are blocked and do not know how to externalize them. Our mission during your childhood is precisely to unlock these feelings.
For these emotions to flow, good communication and a lot of affection are required. This problematic child only needs understanding to let go of his hermetic posture, being able to understand what is going on in his head and express it properly.
Next, if a difficult child poses barriers, don’t raise additional obstacles. Let go of the punishments that tend to drive you away and leave you in solitude, not meeting your needs and needs.
Even if reaching out to them isn’t always a simple task, consider making them feel comfortable and secure in releasing and expressing these pent-up feelings in order to let off steam and get to know yourself.
What’s behind a troubled child?
- They are children with low self-esteem, insecure and with feelings of incomprehension
- They need to feel recognized for their actions and achievements.
- Your insecurity generates the need for positive reinforcement often
- They usually feel jealous. That’s why they try to get their parents’ attention, to feel loved
- They experience more intensely the so-called negative emotions (fear, sadness, loneliness).
As these difficult children grow, their feelings of insecurity, coupled with a certain sense of lack of recognition, often translate into inappropriate reactions. However, deep down, these teenagers only express the anguish, loneliness and sadness that they have inside.
That is why it is essential to help your child to understand, manage and channel their emotions. Thus, it is necessary to educate your emotional intelligence and, at the same time, offer strategies that reduce this need for external reinforcements that make you feel good.
How to act in front of a problematic child?
- Appeal to powerful positive reinforcement. This is a useful educational strategy that does not simply consist of hugging the child when he does something wrong. Approach the child asking why he behaves in this way and calmly explain his mistakes, indicating the appropriate attitude. Finally, use positive reinforcement: “I trust you”, “I know you can do better”, “I support you and I love you”. There is no place for recriminations or reprimands as they cause more anger and anxiety. A positive word generates a positive emotion.
- Educate your Emotional Intelligence. This factor is essential for children of any age so that they can identify their emotions and translate them into words. “What do you feel?” ask this anytime. Be receptive and friendly, in addition to providing a smooth and fluid dialogue in which you demonstrate trust and closeness, without laughing or being amused by what the child says.
- Don’t judge or compare. There is no greater parental sin than comparing the troubled child to siblings, cousins, or other children. It is also not recommended to punish with offenses or label: “you are bad”, “you always behave badly”, etc… It is advisable to find a suitable time to dialogue with the child, connect through a delicate tone of voice and understand their reasons.
- Provide internal balance. Teach your child that every emotion can become a word that can be shared. Explain that crying is not bad and that you will always be willing to listen. It is also very helpful to carry out certain activities together that help to distract, such as breathing, meditation, relaxation, etc.
