How To Teach Children To Accept A “no”
We all know the bitter feeling when we don’t reach goals or when things don’t go as expected. If for us adults it is not easy to deal with these situations, we can imagine how difficult it is for children. Teaching children to accept a “no” will prepare them for life.
frustration tolerance
The key concept in knowing how to accept a “no” is frustration tolerance. Frustration can be considered as the accumulation of feelings (sadness, disappointment, disillusionment), caused by the impossibility of satisfying our desires.
But why do some people assimilate these emotions better than others? Mainly, because of life experiences.
From childhood we face life situations with the resources taught by our parents. If they didn’t provide us with the right tools, we wouldn’t know how to deal with the difficulties.
Children with low tolerance for frustration are simply beings who have not had clear and consistent rules in their lives. They always had everything they wanted immediately, without experiencing the limits of failure.
Basically, they are insecure children with low self-esteem, as it is necessary to overcome obstacles to forge a positive self-concept.
Children with low frustration tolerance
- They have difficulty controlling themselves emotionally.
- They are impatient and impulsive.
- They may present inappropriate anxiety for their age, especially when faced with conflicting situations.
- They are self-centered, they feel the world revolves around them and they think they deserve everything. Therefore, they consider any limit to be unfair.
- They are demanding and want to have their needs met immediately. Otherwise, they react with crying and tantrums.
- They are rigid and inflexible. They don’t adapt easily to changes.
How to teach children to accept a “no”?
do not overprotect
Many parents, with the best of intentions, try to avoid any disappointment, frustration or pain to their children. They think they will have time to suffer later and want them to enjoy childhood as much as possible.
In this way, they try to resolve all of the children’s situations and difficulties. They carry their backpacks, solve their homework and give in to their every whim.
However, it is necessary to think that a time will come when the children will be adults, and it will not be possible to always be by their side.
The best you can do for them is to teach them to control their frustration and see it as just another life experience. If you always do what your children want, they will not be able to deal with difficulties that may arise in a healthy way.
Increase the autonomy of children to teach them to accept a “no”
It is through our own experiences that we form an image of ourselves. Therefore, it is important to seek to encourage the children’s independence in all tasks that are in accordance with their age.
Children who, from an early age, face small challenges and learn to solve them better develop the ability to solve problems. In addition, they will have a positive self-image and will be able to handle difficult situations.
Helping to overcome the fear of failure to teach children to accept a “no”
Sometimes the hardest part of accepting a “no” is recognizing that you couldn’t get what you expected, that the attempt failed. It is therefore necessary that children grow up facing mistakes as part of the learning process and that they lose the fear of trying to learn.
Don’t give in to tantrums
We must be aware that teaching to accept a “no” is a great gift to children. So do n’t despair if they don’t initially accept it. And, obviously, don’t give in, don’t reinforce that behavior.
Just think that this is their way of expressing their frustration and that in time they will be able to deal with these situations better.
Talking to children to teach them to accept a “no”
When you’re going to deny something, don’t be overbearing or give “because I’m telling you to” justifications. Talk to the children, explaining why they can’t get what they want. They may not seem to understand, but they will recognize that you are willing to talk to them calmly and lovingly.
Furthermore, a “no” followed by an explanation will always be much better accepted and will prevent the children from becoming bitter towards the mother.
