How To Help Parents Who Have Lost Children
The loss of a child is much worse than you might think if you haven’t been through it. News with this topic on social media or television and it makes your heart sink, but we can’t imagine how far the pain can penetrate.
can’t fix
First of all, when approaching parents who are immersed in pain, you should be aware that nothing can fix this situation. Death marked the lives of these people.
The loss of a child cannot be cured. But you can do some things so the pain doesn’t end with the parents. And your kindness can help, even if you don’t realize it.
Don’t use sentences that don’t lead anywhere
Sometimes sentences are said without thinking and keep being repeated in our heads because we regret having said them. Things like “at least he/she isn’t suffering anymore”, “now he/she is in a better place” or “I’m sure you can see us” don’t help at all.
don’t tell them how they should react
Who can say how one must go through the moment of mourning in the face of the most horrible tragedy of one’s life? You can’t do that and when the funeral ends, the parents, devastated by grief, can’t go back to their social life and work as if nothing had happened.
They must go through a moment of acceptance. And each one has its own rhythm, which must be respected . The pain will become a new part of a parent’s life because it will never end. But they must learn to deal with this and these feelings, which is not an easy task.
It’s something you can’t get over
If you want to help parents deal with the loss of a child, don’t expect them to get over it five years after it happened. Or 20 years. Or 35. The death of a child is never overcome, but one learns to live with it. What is not possible is to go on as if nothing had happened.
listen without judgment
It is necessary for you to listen to them as they will need to speak and vent their pain somehow. Don’t talk, just listen. Don’t judge, just understand. If you want to be a good supporter, go to their house even if they are in a period of pain and let them talk. Cry with them, let them hug you and give them all your unconditional support. Don’t assume they want to be alone. Help with cleaning the house, stay with them to eat and help with meals, take them to a restaurant, etc. Wait a prudent time before asking them out. But make your presence felt at all times.
Be patient with changes
Getting used to living with pain is not easy and it takes a long time to get used to it. Parents will have to go through several stages before reaching the final stage. They must create a new normality, with new traditions, changing points of view and, in the end, become different people from before the loss. Be patient and don’t miss out on their side .
