The Boundaries A Stepfather Or Stepmother Must Not Cross
Rebuilding a family is a decision for each member involved in this task. However, in some cases, the stepfather or stepmother cross boundaries that should not be crossed under any circumstances.
Limits to healthy authority
Before establishing a relationship with a person who already has children, you need to understand the importance that the relationship between parents and children must remain strong for everything to work.
Children should not feel abandoned under any circumstances, least of all when a new person arrives in the family.
Try not to have invasive behaviors to prevent the nuclear family from feeling attacked. Thus, you will get better results than trying to impose your will and your way of life. So, here are some limits that should not be crossed when you become a stepfather or stepmother:
1. Trying to take the place of the father or the mother
It doesn’t matter if the union is the result of a divorce or death, don’t try to substitute the figure of the child’s father or mother. Even if you like your partner’s kids as your own, they’re not.
One must respect the methods of education and one cannot demand to be treated like the real father or mother.
2. S ast the children physically
If this attitude is already considered inappropriate even for your own children, it is even worse for children who are not yours. Physical punishment applied by a new family member can definitely damage the relationship with the child.
Therefore, it is necessary to control your emotions to avoid situations like these.
3. Take a position of authority
Young children, especially those under the age of 5 or 6, may be more predisposed to respect the authority of a stepfather or stepmother in the family. But school-age children and teenagers generally don’t accept that kind of attitude.
4. Engage in discussions between your partner and ex
It can be very tempting to take sides in a conversation or conflict between your husband or wife and your ex, but it’s not okay to meddle in these matters. Although there is no romantic relationship, there is still a bond that prevails: having one or more children in common. Avoid taking on assignments that aren’t yours.
5. Participate in your partner’s discussions with the children
If you want the relationship and relationship with the children to be positive, it is better to let them deal with their conflicts alone. A word spoken at the wrong time can generate hard-to-resolve resentments and uncomfortable feelings in the relationship.
Avoid tense moments by letting problems be resolved only by those involved in the situation.
6. Opposing the ex’s maternal or paternal authority
If the children’s parents have agreed to the rules that must be followed, under no circumstances should you contravene these rules. To do this is disrespectful because although there is no longer a sentimental relationship between the ex-couple, the fathers are still fathers and the mothers are still mothers.
The right to make decisions and establish appropriate behaviors should be reserved only for the parents of a child.
7. Talking bad about the ex
It doesn’t matter if you think the person is no good or has made many mistakes . Do not pass judgment on one of the child’s parents so as not to create inappropriate images or even major conflicts.
Talking in an unpleasant way about a parent can cause resentment, and both your partner and the child can feel attacked.
8. Putting pressure on your partner about time with children
It is very understandable to find a balance between the boundaries that must be respected and the moments that can be shared. But it is also necessary to understand that children often need their parents, regardless of their presence. Therefore, one must respect the moments of intimacy and learn to share them as a family whenever possible.
