5 Things About Motherhood That Aren’t As I’ve Been Told
When I was not yet a mother and knew other families, I remember having a rather perfect image of motherhood. While it’s true that I knew families aren’t perfect, the reality is that I created a rather idealized image in my head. So I ‘m going to list some of the things about motherhood that aren’t as I’ve been told.
I thought a mother’s instinct was more than enough to make it all go well. I felt that a mother always knew what to do and that perfect families could exist. And I wanted one. I enjoyed learning about motherhood and parenting, and I studied about parenting and parenting. But when I started my family I realized that not everything was as beautiful as it was written in the books, or at least what my head showed me.
5 things about motherhood that aren’t as they told me
The perfect family doesn’t exist, but the imperfections make us unique
The problem with having imagined a happy family for so long is that you really believe you can make it. He thinks he can have that perfect family he’s always dreamed of and that he just has to do a little on his part so that his surroundings, almost as if by magic, become idyllic.
Nothing is further from reality. While it’s true that we are the people who can make life more or less easy, perfect families just don’t exist. But over time I realized that these imperfections are what make my family perfect. Not every day is good, we don’t always smile, but every day we hug and say we love each other.
Pregnancy is not as beautiful as they paint it
When I saw pregnant women, I had that image of a radiant, pregnant and smiling woman. I thought it was possible to have a normal life and that I would only have to wait nine months while the body changed to give birth. I thought everything was wonderful, or at least that’s what everyone told me.
It’s true that gestating a life inside you is one of the most wonderful experiences I’ve ever had, but that doesn’t mean it was a bed of roses. I’ve had two pregnancies and one was different from the other, but neither was easy.
I had heartburn and a strong burning sensation in the stomach from the first to the last day of pregnancy, fluid retention, low back pain, sciatica, headaches, dizziness, vomiting, daily nausea, emotional discomfort… In the first pregnancy I had postpartum depression, and on the second, I went through the dangerous postpartum pre-eclampsia.
It is necessary to normalize that not all women have wonderful pregnancies. Some have them and some have fewer problems, but the vast majority of women need to be told that pregnancy is not always perfect. Thus, we can be aware of what can happen to act in time and not be so afraid.
Labor hurts a lot!
I had heard that with the epidural labor did not hurt, it could take longer, but it would be much easier. In fact, I was told beautiful stories of idyllic births and I wanted that, of course, so I decided to take the epidural. It felt like magic that would help to have a wonderful birth. No exceptions.
In the first pregnancy I thought they had applied it wrongly because it didn’t work throughout the birth. In the second, it didn’t seem to do anything either. Did they also apply it wrong? At the end of the second birth, a doctor told me that there are women for whom epidurals are almost ineffective and that I was one of them. Of course, the next day my leg was asleep all day.
So, I had my two children in pain. With a lot of pain. So that beautiful image of smiling while watching the children being born in a mirror and holding my partner’s hand was just in my mind. Because in reality there were screams, pain and many tears (of happiness, but also a lot of pain).
Breastfeeding is not always possible
Of course, breastfeeding my baby was also on my mind. I had the help of professionals so that everything went well, but it doesn’t matter how much you want it because sometimes it just doesn’t work out. My first child started to lose weight by insisting on breastfeeding and began to dehydrate.
I had to supplement his diet with powdered milk, and quickly, so that his condition didn’t get more complicated. It taught me that there are simply times when, if you can’t, you can’t. I cried a lot, but my son’s health is more important.
I had little milk, an amount that never suited my son’s needs. I combined breastfeeding and formula for six months. Later, it was my own son who didn’t want the breast anymore. I had the help of midwives who made me see and accept that breastfeeding is ideal, but it is not always possible.
One of the things about motherhood that I’m not told is that parenting isn’t easy.
Raising children is not easy, but it is not easy to raise them either. In fact, it’s exhausting. I realized that there are days that go very slowly just because of the fatigue I feel, but that the years fly by and that my children grow up very fast.
It is essential to educate with patience, love, respect, empathy, assertiveness, gratitude, perseverance… But it is not always so easy. There are moments of tension, of physical and mental exhaustion, and when so much effort doesn’t give quick results, it can be quite frustrating.
But it is important to be consistent in parenting and positive discipline, and to be aware that there are no difficult children, just as we are not bad parents. If there’s something that can’t be missing under any circumstances, it’s love and respect.
If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, get help, but remember that your children’s future and their happiness lies in the education you are giving today. You may not see results in the short term, you may not be perfect, there may be days when you will lose your temper… But you should never lose respect or love in your family. Because there is only one family, and the love we feel for them is the engine that drives us every day.
