13 Mistakes We Make When Disciplining Our Children
Finding the right methods of disciplining may take some time, but it will bring you many satisfactions and pleasant moments in family life. The following are some of the most common mistakes parents make when creating discipline at home.
13 Common Mistakes When Disciplining Children
1. Not following the rules you determine
If you tell your child that he can’t watch television without finishing the task and then allow him to watch it, the rule will completely lose its validity. When the instructions you give at the beginning are not followed to the letter, children will have a confused idea of authority ; you will be giving them a contradictory message that is not very consistent.
2. Disregard the age of children
Before disciplining our children, we must consider their age characteristics. You should not apply equal corrections at all ages. Use different tones of voice, don’t miss wrong behaviors, and above all, always respect the established rules.
3. Shout when giving instructions
A very loud voice is not the best way to get your kids to do what you expect. The body’s automatic response to a scream is to resist taking the indicated action.
4. Overuse of thinking times
Thinking time is very effective for your children to calm down and reflect on unacceptable behavior. But using them too often or for prolonged periods of time reduces their effectiveness. Remember that this time should last for one minute for each year of age.
5. Don’t be specific
When you categorize behavior as inappropriate, you should be clear in your words and specify exactly what should not be repeated. Be clear so the kids know exactly what’s bothering the family.
6. Letting go of the educational value of calling attention or punishment
What is sought when correcting a behavior is to make the child understand why what he did is not right. If there is no reflection when talking to your children, any action you take will be less meaningful.
7. Forget love
It is critical that before disciplining a child you establish an emotional connection. Children must know that they are loved unconditionally, even when they have done something to improve. The rebuke should not have a connotation that distances them sentimentally.
8. Give rewards for getting a behavior
Offering a candy or a gift in exchange for a good attitude will work in the short term but will have no real effect on the child’s values. The reward must be the satisfaction of doing things right.
9. Bringing past mistakes into the present
Every situation is different and independent; when it comes to getting your children’s attention, you should focus on what happened at that moment.
10. Make things personal
Corrections should focus on behavior rather than on the person. Avoid using adjectives that define them as “bad”, “inattentive”, “confused” and others. Suggestions must be free from personal criticism.
11. Don’t apply what it says
It is not coherent that you walk around the house shouting for silence. Parents are the role models for children to follow. Therefore, the attitudes they have on many occasions are a response to imitating what their parents do. Put into practice all the values and actions you want your children to have.
12. Establish punishments for something you didn’t see
Especially in sibling fights, there is a tendency to issue orders and punishments without knowing the whole situation. Make sure you know the situation well before deciding what action to take.
13. Not looking for the root of the problem
Before reprimanding your children for not doing something you asked, make sure there is no fundamental reason why they didn’t do it. Evaluate the circumstances to make a decision or choose an appropriate remedy for each case.
